Hard week

Monday- Monday morning we buried our Daughter Hope in Lexington Cemetary. We invited imediate family, Brad's Parents, My mom, Joel. We also invited 2 couples who are very close friends we want to thank the couple and our family that showed up for being so supportive. We know it didn't feel like you did much, but being there for us meant alot. It gave us the strength to make it though a tough day. Pastor Bill's memorial was beautiful. I have to admit I was crying so hard I don't think I remmember most of it. Brad says he remembers every word, but you all know how important words are to brad.

After the service, Brad took me to lunch so that we could be alone with our grief for a little while. Then we went to his parents for a little while. then we went home and slept. Watched a few scrubs. The funny is helping.

Tuesday- brad went to work. My mom came over for a little while. then SOnya, MOm, Hayden and I went to Red Lobster for lunch. I did better with Hayden. He really is very cute. I just find myself being very defensive against people with babies right now. I want to be around them. I don't want them to avoid me, but at the same time it is hard. I guess I just can't win that one. I think the more I am around them the better I will do. I do love babies so. Besides Brad and I are going to try again, when the dr. says we can. Dinner was from DUsty, very good enchiladas and rice.

Wed- THis was the first day I was home alone. Brad went to work, and Mom had gone back to Vienna. I was having a rough morning. tHen Melissa called and took me out to lunch. It really helepd to get out of the bubble. WE went to the Christain book store and found a good bible study for this summer. (e-mail on this to come).

Thrusday- we had our first post partum Dr. appointment. Thigns look good. Turns out hte hosptial didn't do the autopsy. Some screw up some where. Oh well. THey don't think it would have told them anything anyway. Our dr. thinks it might have been a small hole in the membrane that separates the placenta from me, that caused the baby to bleed into me. Giving me a fever that weekend, and causing the baby to die from Anemia. (babies don't have alot of blood to lose.) there was nothing anyone could have done. and no really indicators that something was wrong until it was too late. it is also a very rare problem that doesn't tend to repeat, so he thinks I will be fine next time, However he also said that when I get pregnant again, I am going live in their office. This was both encouraging and a little scary. but the good news is they said we coudl try agin this fall, which is nice. We also can start haivng sex again soon (which is nice.. cause we both miss it..) My stichest look great, and I can drive now, though still can't work and still can't lift heavy things. And let me tell you the itch is the thing that is killing me most right now.

We came home and played starwars with the guys for about 3 hours, then I had to take a nap, cause I was whipped. Then we had dinner from Ellen, (tasty chicken) and then I went to bed early.

Friday- Melissa took me out of the bublle to her house, we had hotdogs and watched the golf channel. Actaually I had fun watching this show that was kind of like survivor only with Golf. I know not a golf fan but it was still fun to watch the competitions and the elemination. Brad came home we took a nap, and then got dressed and went to softball, cause no one called, only to find out that it had been cancelled. Apparently there are two numbers to call the Parks and rec, one had the recording and the other didn't. I gues I will ahve to make sure I get that one next time.

Saturday- Got up and ate breakfast late cleaned my bathroom cause I couldn't take it anymore. Met Melissa John and the boys for lunch at wendy's and then went to see prince caspian. Two very happy thumbs up. Really, really enjoyed it. Steven slept through most of it but I think Issac liked it. We had a blast. Of course when it was over I realized lunch and a movie in a crowded theater was too much for one day, I went home and crashed. Brain and amey came over for a little bit and dropped off dinner (stuffing cassorle that we devouired).

Sunday- Church for the first time since it happened. I cried through every song. SS was about anger, which I don't have alot of but is there underneath. Right now I get angry when I think people are taking for granted the kids they have, putting them in danger, or doing something stupid like abortion. I am not angry at God. After chruch we stayed for the bussinese meeting. I Realized as I listened to the agasint camp (which was mostly older folks, so I won't go into the comments about old and change..:) ), that Erin was right. We elected, after much prayer, this leadership team, we need to trust that they are pray about this decision and that God will lead them where the chruch needs to go. that many of the suggestions are thigns that if people really feel we shoudl do then they shoudl do it themselves at different times. that is just me though.

We left a little early, went home and slept then I went to the TO BE closing potluck. I realized that I have some girl friends taht could profit from the mentoring program, because it sin't as much pressure and it is more about building relationships with women at chuech than just preaching at people. (so some of you, who know who you are..will be coming with me to the next thing.) :) hahaha